Great News: Scareltt Johansson Is As Obsessed About Wings As I Am Meaning Courtship Has Begun

Published: June/21/2017

Appearing on The Late Show with Steven Colbert Scarlett Johansson, one of the stars of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, star of Lucy(sneaky good flick) and key player in my dreams, elevated her fastball more than I ever thought she could by explaining to Colbert that one of her favorite things to do when she visits a city is to sample their wings. Colbert also agreed with her and shared that he also is quite the fan of wings, but I completely tuned him out whenever he spoke. We’re talking about Scarlett Jo and even though he was fantastic in Strangers with Candy that still doesn’t hold a candle to Johansson being the Black Widow.

So it certainly seems that for half of your NEPA Wingmen, courtship has started and it’s only a matter of time until we’re the “It” couple walking down the red carpet for the premiere of The Infinity Wars, which I already would of watched a few times because Scarlett hooked her man up and let me watch it before the rest of you ordinary folks get too. Perks of Hollywood real and they’re fantastic. Perhaps you’re wondering just how would a seemingly, regular guy from NEPA who’s dimensions are a fierce 5’6, 190lbs(and rapidly gaining), balding(at a breakneck pace), barrel chested, 6 time Big Ball champion is going to get on the same level as one of the biggest smoke shows going? My answer to that is a little thing called compatibility. Let’s do a checklist. Scarlett and I love wings, we both use two hands to eat them, we both prefer blue cheese over ranch, and we both care deeply about hot wing eating safety(wink, nice). The other stuff like how we don’t know each other and have no conceivable reason to ever be anywhere near each other, that’s all moot once I use my can’t miss pickup line:

Setting- An upscale wing joint in LA. The megastar actress is staring at a dozen wings while she ponders why a girl like her with all the success she’s had can’t find a normal guy who just gets her. Then, as smooth as an Appalachian breeze, a well dressed out-of-towner approaches and bluntly says what no man has ever had the confidence to say to her

Me- I hear you like lemon pepper wings, I like lemon pepper wings too.

Scarlett- I’m Scarlett, hi.

The very impressed Johansson pushes out the accompanying chair with her foot signaling to the bold man that he should sit with her


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